Dragonfly Moments
The dragonfly symbolizes transformation, growth, and lightness of being. It spends most of its life in the dark, colorless, and then when it is exposed to the light, it transforms into a beautiful, colorful creature. Its wings become iridescent; the colors change when seen from different angles. Its flight over water symbolizes both reflection and looking beyond the surface. Its eye can see 360 degrees without limitation. In some Native American cultures, the dragonfly symbolizes rebirth and renewal. In some Asian cultures, the dragonfly represents harmony.
Here is my tale of a couple of crucial dragonfly moments, times where I was exposed to the light.
In 2008, about ten years into my career as an attorney, I was a single mother with two young sons, working at a small law firm, and helping my mother through some health issues. On a typical day, I dropped my sons at daycare by 7:00 a.m., I commuted nearly an hour to work, I worked all day only to rush out at 5:00 to make sure I could get to daycare before 6:00 p.m. Sometimes I had to leave work early to shuttle my sons to appointments or to practice, or to take my mother to the doctor. When I got home each evening, I had to put a healthy meal on the table, monitor bath time, tuck my children into bed, and then start doing all the things that need attention. Most weekends when the boys were with their father, I went into my office. I felt like I was on a hamster wheel. I felt pulled in multiple directions. I felt like if I was a good mother I could not be a good lawyer, and if I was a good lawyer I could not be a good mother. I did not feel connected to myself. I did not feel connected to my friends.
One Friday afternoon in October, my boss called me to bark at me for leaving the office early for my son’s soccer game. He made it clear I needed to work more. The next day I left a friend’s baby shower to go into the office. I worked all day on Sunday. On Monday morning, after I went to a court appearance, my boss called me into his office and fired me. He said “you’re a great gal, and you’re a good attorney, but it seems to me you have your priorities mixed up.”
Wait, what?
I had a dragonfly moment. That day was the first time the light came on and I realized that I did not “fit” into the traditional lawyer role. I liked the academic aspect of being a lawyer but I did not like the culture that expected me to make my job more important than my family. At first I was embarrassed – I had never been fired from a job in my life and I was fired from a law firm! I was also scared. The economy was failing, people were losing their homes, and law firms were folding. How was I going to support my family?
During this forced hiatus from the law, I discovered coaching. I attended a leadership training that involved one-on-one coaching for ten weeks. I had more dragonfly moments. I looked at my life from different angles. I looked beyond the surface. It was uncomfortable and enlightening and transformative. At the end of that ten weeks, I was more certain than ever that I did not fit into the legal culture, and I felt called to coaching, but I was afraid to do anything about it. I had some work to do on myself. I had to save some money. My children needed to get a little older and less dependent on me for every little thing in their daily lives. It took me another ten years of struggling, of trying to be something I am not, of feeling unfulfilled and overwhelmed, of more uncomfortable conversations with more bosses about priorities, followed by a series of big losses in my personal life, before another light turned on. I realized I wasted years(!) of my precious life trying to be someone else’s idea of who I should be.
I got brave. I got confident. I became a Certified Professional Coach (CPC) after a year of intensive training and more than 120 hours of coaching clients. I’m so privileged to be able to leverage my natural instincts for empathy, listening, and connection to support others in embracing their priorities, stepping into the light, looking beyond the surface, and finding where they fit in the world. It is your turn. Be Brave. Be Confident. Be Happy.
